Inquiry Project

Topic Proposal:

• Language and the Way We Communicate

Working Inquiry Question:

• Why do we say things that we do not mean?

Inquiry Question Proposal:

The topic that I want to inquire into is language and the way we communicate. With this topic I would like to somehow tie in different situations we communicate. These situations could vary from understanding the opposite sex to how you were raised or raising kids in general. I think that it is very interesting how we react and how our language varies in these situations. This can also tie into the way our language may affect others. I would even like to discuss how we say one thing but may mean another, both men and women are guilty of this.

I chose this topic because I have noticed that language and the way we communicate affects our everyday lives, whether it is personal relationships or friendships. For example, you may ask your best friend or significant other if they are “okay” and they may respond with a “yes” but later on you may figure out that they are not “okay”. If you do not take the time to figure out if they are really okay you could end up damaging your friendship or relationship. However, we do not realize that all we have to do is be honest about how we feel and this could prevent any damage. It can also affect the way we view life. For instance, the things that your parents say and the way they say it could change the way you view certain things. If your parents have always told you that it is a man’s duty to be head of the household, most likely you will feel the same way and expect men to be the head of the household.

I am very guilty of saying one thing and meaning another. There have been plenty of times where I would tell my boyfriend that it was okay for him to go hang out with his friends, knowing deep down that I really did not want him to. I am even guilty of claiming that everything is going well in my life when my family members may ask, regardless if something is really bothering me.

Say what you mean, mean what you say. For some reason we never really own up to this. We always tend to hide how we truly feel about certain things. Maybe because we expect the other person to automatically understand and know what we are really thinking. On the other hand, maybe we think that no one really cares how we truly feel. Perhaps we do not want anyone to be worried about us. I know in my case I do not want to seem self centered.

I would like to know what makes us hide how we truly feel about things. I also want to learn why we make communication between one another so complicated. I plan on doing a little research in the library to see if I can learn more. I would also like to get a few of my peers’ opinions on this topic.

Research:

Online people are discussing the different things that we say but really do not mean. Some of the different things that were discussed included people saying things like, I wish I was dead, it doesn't bother me, I don't care, and I hate you. The author goes into detail about why we really do not mean these things and how we usually mean the opposite of what we say. Then a different website gave the reasons why people say things that they do not mean (mostly saying yes when they mean no). Most of the reasons included: the desire to please, the fear of hurting someone, and the need for power. Another website talked about the different questions that women ask and their motives behind it. Basically putting the icing on the cake on why women ask do they look fat. They even go as far as "translating" the things that we say into what we really mean. I find these things interesting because this is the direction that  I would like to go with my inquiry project. However, I hope that I can find other research that is not just a personal opinion.
http://www.davidfoster.tv/10-things-we-say-we-don%E2%80%99t-mean/
http://www.gordontraining.com/free-workplace-articles/why-we-say-yes-when-we-want-to-say-no/
http://www.bitrebels.com/lifestyle/stupid-shit-women-say-that-men-dont-get/

IRP:

I believe that the presentations in class really helped me focus my inquiry question. It also made me feel a lot better about the direction I am choosing to go with my inquiry question. Before these presentations I was beginning to feel like I would have to change my question. It felt great to be reassured that there is formal research available for my topic and not just “opinions” of others. The presentations even made me realize that I have an interesting inquiry question and I am not the only one who would like to know the answer to it. It is good to know that no one will be bored reading my paper. Most importantly, I believe that I may have an argument. My argument may be that men say things that they do not mean (or are hard to understand) just as much as they claim women do.

Presentation: